Do You Still Have an Appetite for Destruction?

It is a question tens and thousands of fans have asked themselves in recent years, as Axl and Slash continue their decade long brawl / marketing saga. The world is hungry for the follow up to the Spaghetti Incident! So hungry that they have divided into THREE PARTS.

PART 1: Iron Butterfly. Led Zeppelin. Velvet Revolver.

This part of the world believes that Velver Revolver is the reincarnation of the great rock gods of the 60s. Slash and Scott Weiland are the long lost twins of hard rock, the Cain and Abel, the Izhak and Esau. Like Bilbo Baggins, pay homage to the greats with a replica of their cock rings from your gold chain necklace. And if you idolize the Velvet Revolver, you believe that your band must be named in the Classical late Sixties style of having two contractictory elements, objects or ideas.

Part 2: Go ahead and name yourself after a God. Why not two Gods??

This part of the world wakes up every morning and asks himself or herself something along the lines of: "How much more obnoxious can the world get, now that George W. Bush has a former Fox News commentator as his secretary? " Well, name your rock band after one of the most original rock sounds ever created. Follow that word with a name that alludes to one of the most pure and innovative pop-rock albums in the history of mankind, and you've created a marketing concept so insanely low -- how could it fail?

Part 3: “The Velvet/Revolver//Roses/Guns Parallelism.”

This part of the world is utterly convinced that Slash has been speaking to them from behind his curly black wig and top hat, and he has been saying terrible, terrible things only Axl can decipher. Axl was the first person to understand how tragic the name of this band is, for it recalls the absurd pairing of the very same themes Axl used to call his band Guns n' Roses. Slash might as well have called his band AK-47s n' Geraniums. And if you believe this, will you be able to forgive Slash when he dives into his 17 minute solo in the November Rain encore?

So when the odds are defied this May, and Slash does appear on stage at the Hammerstein Ballroom for the New York debut of Chinese Democracy, I urge you to consider what kind of person you've become since Axl left a hole in your life the size of Lake Michigan. And if you listen close enough to Slash's solos peel the paint off the walls, you just might hear Axl wailing: I'm Sooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrryyyyyy for letting you down.

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