Moment of Sincerity

GUNS! STABBINGS! EXPLOSIONS! NIC CAGE! (pt deux)

Our love of Nic Cage is historic.
Epic in scope.
Deep in depth.

We once chronicled an action movie marathon and posted the results of that day. Yet there was one stat that never sat right with us:

nic cages: 0

So tropical storms were braved.
Scores were tallied.^
And an instant-classic-remade-from-a-less-than-decade-old-Thai-classic was born.

We present to you the statistics from Bangkok Dangerous:

KILLS: 42-47*
EXPLOSIONS: 5
STABBINGS: 3
FANCY GUNPLAY: 2
DISMEMBERINGS: 2
GLASS BREAKING: 8
FAST-FORWARDS: 8
SLO-MO’S: 19
360 SHOTS: 4
NICOLAS CAGE LEERING AT MALES: 5
NICOLAS CAGE LEERING AT FEMALES: I counted up to 20 then gave up (mainly due to cage’s love interest being mute)
RIDICULOUS & INAPPROPRIATE MAKING OUT: none
INTERNATIONAL LOCALES: 4
EATING WHILE CONDUCTING “BAD MAN” BUSINESS: 4
ELEPHANTS: 3
ASSASSINATION-SUICIDES: 1
METACRITIC RATING: 19

^ notes on methodology: Kills were sharpied on my shirt while Miguel diligently moleskine'd detailed notes.
* Kill counts are discrepant as Miguel got 42 and I got 47, which included a few kills tallied during a quick flashback of previously unmentioned kills and a final mark for the deaf-Thai-pharmacist love story which killed my heart (in a good way).

Synergy!: Miguel's Tumblr and the Playlist via Alex


"Again!...Again!....Again!....Again!..... Again!.... That was your first lesson."

Jack endorses Hillary, awaits Pro-Obama video response

This is so ripe for someone to throw together a pro-Obama version.

The title of this film has been withheld for your viewing pleasure..

It really is so much better when you don't know til the end what they decided to call it.

What do Bobby Brown, M.C. Hammer, and Sinbad have in common?

They're not dead... yet!

Today, Bobby Brown refuted claims that he suffered a (probably crack-induced?) heart attack.

Also today, M.C. Hammer put the kabosh on rumors that he was dead.

And in case you missed it, in March 2007 "Houseguest" star Sinbad reared his partay-ing head to let the three people reading up on the man's Wikipedia entry that day that he was, in fact, still alive.

Whew!

UPDATE: VH1's Next Season of "Where Are They Now?" To Be Called "We're Not Dead... Yet!"

Nowitzki and That Crazy Rap Music!

On this day, when horses in Lexington will run to satisfy our nation's deeply engrained gambling urges, I write here as the loser of a bet. Worse yet, it was a bad bet. Breaks down like this: I made a bet with the operator of That Crazy Rap Music! that Dirk Nowitzki would score more than 25 points in Thursday's Game 6 of the Dallas Mavericks-Golden State Warriors first round playoff series. Nowitzki wasn't even close; he scored eight points on 2-13 shooting. Nowitzki struggled for the entire series, save for a one-minute stretch in Game 5, when he hit two straight threes with his team trailing by 9 in the final minutes. I figured he'd build on this. I was wrong. That Crazy Rap Music! was right. Dirk SUCKED in Game 6.

The wager was for the integrity of this site. Having lost, I will now tell you why another site does what we do better than how we do.

So without further ado: That Crazy Rap Music! is a better site than Cosmodrome.

[Ed. note: photo at right is Dirk Nowitzki and unknown person - not the author of TCRM!]

Read on...

CNN: Give us your tragedy. Let us sell it for our own benefit.

Within a few hours of yesterday's horrific events at Virgina Tech, CNN.com had posted video, submitted by a student, capturing some of the gunfire. The video (found here) was shot on a cellphone outside a dormitory and appears to be a police officer shooting at an unseen target. It is shaky, grainy, and entirely inconclusive outside of the situation. However, given the circumstances, it is incredibly jarring.

After viewing the video, I thought to myself, how exactly did CNN get this - and how did it get it so soon after the incident?

The answer was quite simple: They set up a web page (linked prominently on its main site) specifically asking witnesses to send videos, photos and audio.

I am not passing judgment on whether or not CNN, or any other media outlet, should be posting video of this event so soon after it has taken place. But I am questioning these methods.

CNN is not YouTube or MySpace. It is not a web site that is created specifically to encourage users to create their own content. It is a news agency. It is not in the business, nor should it be in the business, of asking (read: begging) witnesses of tragic events to create content for them. Further, they should not be so blatantly abusing the very people providing them with these materials. In small print, CNN notes that users submitting media agree to their terms of use, which includes this particularly exploitative language:

By submitting your material... you hereby grant to CNN.. a non-exclusive, perpetual, worldwide license to edit, telecast, rerun, reproduce, use, syndicate, license, print, sublicense, distribute and otherwise exhibit the materials you submit... without payment to you or any third party... CNN has the right to edit and/or alter any submission.

Boiled-down version of the page: Give us your tragedy. Let us sell it for our benefit and not yours. Read more...

Holy Fucking Shit

Scientician

We Who Do Not Wink

My name is Andy D, and I am a white rapper. I have written pop songs about love, sex, partying, sex with werewolves, and female ejaculation. I have had a moustache for three years, a rattail for two years, and wear almost exclusively pink shirts emblazoned with air-brushed pictures of kittens and unicorns. I am absurd, and I know it. I am absurd on purpose. What I am not doing is being ironic.

Let me explain. I have been called ironic many times. And at every instance of being called the I-word, I have responded violently - either smacking the offending prig with an open-handed slap or with a tongue-lashing along the lines of “your face is ironic!” or “shut the goddamn up!”

That said, this past spring, while drinking with some of my friends, the subject of my style came up, and one of my fellows did the unthinkable – called me ironic. Actually he said that the entire Andy D persona is predicated upon being ironical. Rather than clenching my hand into a furious fist of rage, I calmed my sweaty palms in a moment of inebriated curiosity and decided to explore my aversion to the concept of being… gulp… ironic.

Brokeback Dock

A bit of backstory:
I live in Brooklyn and commute to New Jersey for work. Since I have no car, it’s an Odyssian journey of public transportation each day. When it comes to lunch I have few options within walking distance: our building’s subterranean cafeteria, a strip mall and sort of ritzy mall across the street. As it began to get nicer outside I began exploring the area a bit and found that behind the mall was a secluded park, made less accessible by construction being done on the mall. At the very end of the park was a dock that extended into a river. This dock became my goal everyday, a quiet place to eat, to read, and to take naps on during my lunch hour. But it all went wrong.

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