The Week In

Photo Caption Contest Time!!

"Hey Dick! Good to see ya! All right, how you doing! Okie dokie, my name, for all of you who don't know me, is George Tenet! And I AM now a motivational speaker! Now, before we get to the spinning, let me give you a little bit of a scenerio of what MY life is all about! First off, I am thirty-five years old! I am THRICE DIVORCED! And I live in a van down by the river!"

The Week In: Box Office Speculation - America's Favorite Cannibal Keeps Eating

The Eddie Murphy comeback juggernaut goes into Phase Two this weekend as Paramount attempts to bank off his rising prestige stock in order to resuscitate his abject crap stock.

Is Hannibal Lecter still a viable villain in an age when torture-porn fills our nation's theaters week after week?


1. Norbit - $23.5M
2. Hannibal Rising - $17.6M
3. Because I Said So - $7.2M
4. Messengers - $6.3M
5. Night at the Museum - $4.5M
6. Epic Movie - $4.1M
7. Smokin' Aces - $3.3M
8. Stomp the Yard - $2.9M
9. Dreamgirls - $2.7M
10. Pan's Lab - $2.6M

The Lives of Others

Actual Results:

1. Norbit - $33.7M
2. Hannibal Rising - $13.3M
3. Because I Said So - $9M
4. Messengers - $7.2M
5. Night at the Museum - $5.7M
6. Epic Movie - $4.4M
7. Smokin' Aces - $3.8M
8. Pan's Lab - $3.5M
9. Dreamgirls - $3.1M
10. The Queen - $2.5M

The E-Life, Jan. 22-26: Let's Get the Old Band Back Together!

Monday, Jan. 22

Let's Get the Old Band Back Together
It was widely reported that Sting and The Police will reunite and perform at Coachella. Sting recalled, "You know, I used to be kind of cool once."

Also rumored to be reuniting for Coachella are Rage Against the Machine, the Happy Mondays, and The Jesus and Mary Chain. Led Zeppelin is considering reuniting, again. Van Halen is reconciling with David Lee Roth. And perhaps most importantly, Chinese Democracy may finally see the light of day.

Speaking of Coachella, Brooklyn Vegan posted this great set by Daft Punk from the festival a few years back.

The Lord Speaketh
In Monday's edition of the Federal Register, President Bush announced that Sunday was National Sanctity of Human Life Day. Mind you, this means the sanctity of aborted fetuses, not real dying people in one of them "loser" countries.


The Week In: Box Office Speculation - Why Didn't They Just Title "Epic Movie" - "THE #1 MOVIE IN AMERICA"?

One of these days I'll write an article about the recent series of trash movies with Andy Warhol-esque titles - Scary Movie, Date Movie, and now Epic Movie. Question: do I really have to see those movies to write about them?

If anyone I know goes to see Smokin' Aces, I will consider myself a failure as a friend.


1. Epic Movie - $11.8M
2. Smokin' Aces - $10.5M
3. Dreamgirls - $10M
4. Stomp the Yard - $7.5M
5. Night at the Museum - $7M
6. Pan's Labyrinth - $5.9M
7. Catch & Release - $5.3M
8. Pursuit of Happy - $4.2M
9. Babel - $3.8M
10. Hitcher - $3.5M

The Departed could make it into one of those last slots, as it is re-released this weekend.

Actual Results:

1. Epic Movie - $18.3M
2. Smokin' Aces - $14.5M
3. Night at the Museum - $9.1M
4. Stomp the Yard - $7.6M
5. Catch and Release - $7.6M
6. Dreamgirls - $6.5M
7. Pursuit of Happy - $4.8M
8. Pan's Labyrinth - $4.7M
9. The Queen - $3.9M
10. The Hitcher - $3.5M

The Week In: Box Office Speculation - All 3 Mexicans in the Top 10?!?

The Golden Globe winners are all expanding this weekend to capitalize off the publicity. If you recall, back when The Queen was first released in select cities, I forecasted that it would appear on the Top 10 some time in mid-January. And here we are.

But the winner this weekend will probably not be a prestigious fall release, but rather a vomitose winter release. There hasn't been a horror movie released in, oh, 7 minutes or The Hitcher should open fairly strong.


1. The Hitcher - $14.5M
2. Stomp the Yard - $10.3M
3. Dreamgirls - $9.6M
4. Night at the Museum - $9.3M
5. The Queen - $7.5M
6. Pursuit of Happy - $5M
7. Babel - $4.4M
8. Freedom Writers - $3.7M
9. Pan's Labyrinth - $3.6M
10. Children of Men - $3.2M

Actual Results:

1. Stomp the Yard - $12.3M
2. Night at the Museum - $12M
3. Dreamgirls - $8M
4. The Hitcher - $7.8M
5. Pursuit of Happy - $6.3M

The Week In: Box Office Speculation - PRESTIGE EDITION

Since I forgot to do box office predictions this weekend, and since awards shows only exist to up box office anyway, I will compensate by predicting who will win the Golden Globes this evening. If anyone (Rakesh?) feels like placing any bets in the comments section, I am open to winning your $.

To see a full ballot, click here.

The Departed


Forest Whitaker - The Last King of Scotland

Helen Mirren - The Queen

Sacha Baron Cohen - Borat

Meryl Streep - The Devil Wears Prada

Jennifer Hudson - Dreamgirls

Mark Wahlberg - The Departed

Martin Scorsese - The Departed


"Listen" - Dreamgirls

Alexandre Desplat - The Painted Veil

Letters from Iwo Jima

Happy Feet

I don't do TV.

The Week In: Box Office Speculation - Code Name: Clunker

Seriously, who thinks of these titles? Surplus punctuation is never a good thing in movie titles. Literature, maybe. Blogs, of course. But movies need to be able to be judged by their cover (so to speak).

This is all to say: I can't see Code Name: The Cleaner doing much business this weekend, but neither can I see Dangerous Minds or Shrek 4 doing too well either. The '06 holdovers will continue to thrash and Children of Men should sneak up the charts with its new theater count.


1. Night at the Museum - $20M
2. Pursuit of Happy - $12M
3. Dreamgirls - $10.5M
4. Code Name: The Cleaner - $8M
5. Children of Men - $7.3M
6. Freedom Writers - $6.8M
7. Charlotte's Web - $6.5M
8. Good Shepherd - $6.3M
9. Rocky Balboa - $5.5M
10. Happily N' Ever After - $4.7M


Comedy of Power

Actual Results:

1. Night at the Museum - $23.7M
2. Pursuit of Happy - $12.8M
3. Children of Men - $10.2M
4. Freedom Writers - $9.4M

The Week In: Box Office Speculation - Night at the Roxbury

Let's get this straight: I'm predicting the 4-day, not the 6-day. Over T-Giving, I attempted the 5-day and it got all complicated because my pool of sources were all 3-day-oriented and shit got whack. So here I am being clear: these predix are for Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday (X-Mas).

In the stead of a Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter sequel, prequel or, as named after the effect they induce in me, NyQuil... this year, we have a Ben Stiller "action/adventure/comedy" that would undoubtedly have the same effect, if I were to see it. It should have no trouble snatching the #1 slot, but will score way underneath the mammoth December franchise pictures we've become accustomed to.

In other news, Stallone is back. And unfortunately for all parties, he didn't subject his own body to the cryogenic freezing process featured in Demolition Man.


1. Night at the Museum - $30M
2. Rocky Balboa - $20M
3. Pursuit of Happyness - $18M
4. Eragon - $11M
5. We Are Marshall - $9.4M
6. Charlotte's Web - $8.9M
7. Happy Feet - $8M
8. The Good Shepherd - $7.2.M
9. The Holiday - $6.5M

The Week In: Box Office Speculation - Web of Lies

This weekend, it's the boys vs. the girls again. And again, my temptation is to align myself with the ladies because there simply haven't been that many movies for them. But the ladies keep failing me. They wanted to see a Mayan person's face ripped off by a Jaguar instead of Kate Winslet's face sucked off by a fat man! This weekend, I'm hedging my bets that Charlotte's Web, with its all-star cast, recognizable source material, and family-accessible genre, will be able to trump the nerdfest that must be Eragon.


1. Charlotte's Web - $25M
2. Eragon - $19M
3. Pursuit of Happy - $16M
4. Apocalypto - $9M
5. Holiday - $8.5M
6. Happy Feet - $7.7M
7. Blood Diamond - $5.7M
8. Casino Royale - $5M
9. Nativity Story - $4M
10. Deja Vu - $3.5M

I dunno, the Soderbergh movie looks a bit like what I asked Hollywood for in my undergrad thesis, but somehow gone horribly wrong.

Actual Results:

1. Pursuit of Happyness - $27M
2. Eragon - $23.5M
3. Charlotte's Web - $12M
4. Happy Feet - $8.5M
5. The Holiday - $8.2M

The Week In: Box Office Speculation - George Cukor Movie at #1?

For the past month or so, the marketplace has been dominated by shoot 'em ups and poop 'em ups - movies for men and movies for children, who, let's face it, are essentially the same demographic. This weekend, two movies will add to that list - The Antisemite's Apocalypto and the hack who made Glory's Blood Diamond.

One movie should rise above this orgy of violence and excrement. The Holiday, being the first movie for women over the age of 9 to come out in theaters since... since... The Break Up?, with four major movie stars who cator to various demos, should come out on top.

I personally will be seeing The Antisemite's film, though I won't be paying for it. (Take that, richie!)


1. The Holiday - $18M
2. Apocalypto - $13M
3. Happy Feet - $11.5M
4. Blood Diamond - $11M
5. Casino Royale - $9M
6. Deja Vu - $6.5M
7. Unaccompanied Minors - $6.2M
8. Nativity Story - $4.5M
9. Deck the Halls - $3.7M
10. Santa Clause 3 - $3.3M

Movie to See Instead of All the Above:


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