Maximum Violence Immediately

Submitted by Dan on Wed, 11/18/2009 - 21:42

Cage

Holy flaming moose!

We've been up on the Nic Cage tip for years but it seems only as his iguanashit-insane performance in Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans is about to be released in theaters that he is getting the kind of ink he deserves. There's NYTimes' piece in which Manohla Dargis grudgingly admits to Cage's genius (despite not having seen either National Treasures), NYMag's frame-worthy pdf on the life of Cage (including personal motto: Maximum Violence Immediately), and even a Village Voice article that basically reports on the other two articles.

Now it turns out that Cage is actually a U.N. Goodwill Ambassador on Drugs and Crime, and was sent on a mission to a Kenyan prison to hear the Somali priates' side of the story. Makes sense.

The accompanying pictures beg the question:

Has Nic Cage face/off'd Dennis Hopper circa the first season on 24?

Exhibit A:

It's good to be right.

We need a fealty oath

Submitted by Jim on Wed, 11/18/2009 - 22:28.

with a swearing in over an unopened copy of Zandalee

raise your right hand and repeat after me

Submitted by Dan on Wed, 11/18/2009 - 23:07.

I, (state your name), hereby pledge allegiance to Nicolas Cage, bringer of National Treasure, guarder of Tess, raiser of Arizona. I shall be His loyal serf, sowing the gospel of His Cageness far and wide in times of box office bounty and fallow. I shall never question His judgments. Never. Whether it be choices of movie roles, Japanese commercial roles, or lifestyle roles. Never shall I make fun of The Hair.
I will ask all attractive women I meet to "suck my tongue" much like Castor Troy would do. If they do not comply, I will punch them like Edward Malus. If I ever meet a woman named Zandalee I will be forced to make a cuckold of her husband, even, or especially, if that husband looks like Judge Reinhold. If called upon to do so, I shall eat a cockroach as He did in Vampire's Kiss.
My life is pitiful in comparison. I will try and live up to the high standards set by Him.
My devotion shall be unwavering.