Krasdale Kolumn #4 - Chocolate Syrup

Name: Krasdale Chocolate Flavored Syrup

I've decided a while back that people can be fairly easily split into two categories. I'm not talking about Democrats vs. Republicans, dog people vs. cat people, or people who feel like Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper vs. people who feel like it tastes more like cough syrup. No, a more definitive classification system exists which speaks more to the inner character of a person. Yes, I'm talking about Gummi vs. Chocolate.

The fact is that after a rigorous, peer-reviewed scientific exploration of the phenomenon, I've concluded that when confronted with a choice of sweets, half of people lean toward candy of the gummi genus, whereas the other half pick candies of the (superior) chocolate family. There are, of course, outliers who mess up the data, namely heathens who like both equally or those that like neither. They are dead to me and therefore should not influence the outcome of this very important study.

What does this have to do with Krasdale, you may ask? Not much, but seeing as how I was of the (better) chocolate lover variety and searching for the fodder for my next Krasdale column, I found Krasdale's Chocolate Syrup to be a perfect subject; I was a chocolate lover, but one with discerning tastes. It would not be spared. My love of chocolate somehow exceeds my love of Krasdale.

A note first on chocolate syrups. They can exist on 3 levels of quality, first being the best, last being the worst:
1) Directly Melted Chocolate (DMC) - This kind of chocolate syrup is made from recently melted bits of chocolate, which does not often reach the richness of hot fudge, but is only found in the hoitiest of toitiest ice cream shop(pe)s or fondue-eries.
2) Quality Store Bought (QSB) - What most people think of when they think of chocolate syrup. Never pretending to have ever been real chocolate, this syrup is associated with the big names of chocolate, your Nestles and your Hersheys. Perfect for coating things with a mess of chocolate goo.
3) Chalky Store Bought (CSB) - The lowest quality, which must have been a severe disappointment for the food scientists that created it. Never quite achieves the right ratio to create a homogenous mixture that doesn't leave you tasting each and every grain of the cocoa powder.

I subjected Krasdale's variety to several taste tests. I coated ice cream. I made a milkshake (with some oreos and nutella stolen from my roommates. hot damn.). I made chocolate milk to test its mixing capabilities (there are some reports of failure to mix well, evidenced only by a slight skid mark on the bottom of a see-thru glass. i remain unconvinced.). After compiling and analyzing my data I can solidly claim that Krasdale Chocolate Flavored Syrup is among the QSB variety.

And now that we're out of both milk and ice cream, I have no shame in suckling the goodness straight from the bottle's plastic nipple.

Price: $1.59
Ingredients: high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, water, cocoa, caramel color, xanthan cum, salt, vanillin (an artificial flavor), potassium sorbate (preservative), sodium benzoate (preservative).

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