Bob Roberts


Thompson in 1973: "Dumb as Hell."

Way back in the day, presidential candidate and sex machine Fred Thompson made a name for himself working as an investigative counsel for the Senate Watergate investigation committee.

One big problem: Fred was "dumb as hell." At least according to Richard Nixon. Recent reports based around Nixon archival tapes indicate that Fred Thompson was just like one of the moronic hired goons seen in the movies; he was willing, but not quite able. [Examples include Lex Luthor's friends or Be-Bop and Rocksteady from the Ninja Turtles.]

Those tapes show Thompson had a behind-the-scenes role very different from his public image three decades ago. He comes across as a partisan willing to cooperate with the Nixon White House to discredit the committee's star witness.

It was Thompson who tipped off the White House that the Senate committee knew about the tapes. They eventually cinched Nixon's downfall in the scandal resulting from the break-in at Democratic headquarters in the Watergate complex in Washington and the subsequent White House cover-up.

Meanwhile, the New York Times is finally reporting what we've said multiple times: Fred Thompson's wife is hot. [They're also yelling aloud to many other crappy newspapers: "We want your readers!!!"]

Thompson's secret role in Watergate [Chicago Tribune]

Will Her Face Determine His Fortune? [New York Times]

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Arkansas Chutzpah

According to the White House's Ron Burgundy Tony Snow, former President Bill Clinton has a "case" of whatever is "Arkansan is for chutzpah."

Snow's comments came in an op-ed for USA Today that responded to comments by, among others, President Clinton, criticizing the Administration's decision to commute Scooter Libby's sentence. (Sidenote: Who knew USA Today had opinions?)

In their coverage of Snow's piece, provided readers with a definition of chutzpah: "shameless audacity; imprudence; brass." Another source, Merriam-Webster calls it "supreme self-confidence: nerve, gall".

I'm no English language expert, but I'm not sure you can have a "case" of this. Either you gots it or you don't. It ain't a disease. (Paging Bill Safire: I expect to read more on this on Sunday.)

And while I'm not going to chalk this up to nuanced anti-semitism (as one easily could), I will chalk it up to confusion on Snow's part. Newsmen have been confused about this word before. In 2005, a Canadian TV Anchor named Jim Walcott made a similar mistake:

Jim Walcott: As you know, I am converting to Judaism. Fascinating religion, with the prayer shawl and that little chutzpah you wear on the back of your head.
Jeremy: Yamulke... it's called a Yamulke.
Jim Walcott: Really? Then the shawl is a chutzpah.
Jeremy: Chutzpah is "gall," Jim. Example of chutzpah: A kid goes into his parents' bedroom, torches the place. The kid is tried for murder. He throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. That's "chutzpah."
Jim Walcott: Fascinating language.

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That's Balls People

The System Doesn't Work.

While the Federal Government has more than its share of bad moments, this morning we had the rare opportunity to see all three branches at their worst.

The Legislative branch, once again showing an incredible ability to do nothing and get paid for it, struck down the bill to overhaul the immigration system. The bill, while flawed, had the support of Ted Kennedy and President Bush, who are basically polar opposites (except for their love for the bottle). It's disheartening to see this complete inability of Congress to find a compromise on this matter - especially given the amount of time, money, and vocal strength spent on it.

Meanwhile, over in the Judicial branch, Scalithomas and Co. continued their string of recent victories for conservatives, striking down race placement in public schools and allowing companies to set minimum prices on products.


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Found: Under a Mattress in the White House Executive Residence

Frau Merkel on the cover of conservative Polish weekly Wprost, suckling everyone's favorite prime minister/president identical duo, those adorable Kaczynski twins. Machocha means stepmother.

Wprost ("directly") editor-in-chief Stanislaw Janecki sums it up pretty well:

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ImWithFred And So Is She

GOP Presidential Candidate Fred Thompson has scored the support of an important demographic: his ex-girlfriends. Ordinarily this might be a minor victory, but Thompson's list of former paramours reads like a "Women of the Republican Party" calendar.

Ex-No. 1: Country singer Lorrie Morgan called Fred, "every woman's fantasy." Morgan thinks Thompson has a great chance of cornering the women's vote because, "He’s a soft, safe place to be and that could be Fred’s ticket. Women love a soft place to lay and a strong pair of hands to hold us.”

[On a side note, I'm starting to understand every day, a little more, why the women of the USA aren't supporting Hillary.]

Ex-No. 2: 1st Wife Sarah Knestrick. Knestrick married Thompson at 17 and divorced him 26 years later. I believe this is called a "Starter Wife." Ms. Knestrick holds no grudge though, as she intends to campaign for him.

Ex-No. 3: Georgette Mosbacher, who seems like one heinous bitch; she's the author of "Feminine Force," and co-chairman of McCain's 2000 Presidential campaign. Ms. Mosbacher likes Fred's ability to appeal to “traditional women who will like the Southern gentleman in him."

More Fred Exes

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Cheney Doesn't Do Chores; Emanuel Makes Empty Threat of Taking Away Allowance

This week's Administration scandal, it seems, is Dick Cheney (aka "God") - and he deserves it. Cheney has probably been the scandal of the last 300 or so weeks. This time however, Dick has chosen to dodge the scandal (not submitting documents to the National Archives) by claiming he's not part of the executive branch.

So in response, and in a move that is at once witty and tough, while also completely hopeless, Congressman Rahm Emanuel is planning to introduce a budget amendment that will take away the bulk of the VP's funding. Emanuel reasons that since Cheney seems to think he's not part of the Administration, he shouldn't be funded as part of it.

When asked during a recent press conference how the Administration feels about this classification and Emanuel's proposed amendment, former temporary White House Press Secretary Dana Perino (aka "the incredibly clueless babe press secretary") eloquently expressed why it's necessary to keep Dick's files classified. Actually... no... Perino just thinks it's "an interesting constitutional question, and I think that lots of people can debate it."

Cheney's office, filling the explanatory void where Perino left off, went back to Rahm with the Admin's new favorite response to everything, accusing him of "playing politics."

Photo of Cheney wearing parka at Auschwitz via The American Prospect

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Dick Cheney Does Not Have a God Complex. He Is God.

Dick Cheney is so powerful that the Washington Post has devoted an entire section to him.

The section, actually called "Angler } The Cheney Presidency," looks at Cheney from Wyoming to Washington, everything in between and about. The story is complete with photo albums where you can see Dick play with children, give creepy looks, smile with historical figures, lurk, give creepy looks, be a child (it seems weird to think he was once young), get married, lurk, go fishing, and give a stare down a five year old child.

And while the Post doesn't really add anything groundbreaking to the Cheney saga, it does put together a number of useful stories and verify things you always felt were true. No, he didn't listen to Condi & Colin. Yes, he writes policy with a rubber stamp from Bush. No, he didn't flinch during 9/11 - and yes, he did start drafting plans to "fuck everything" that day.

But all this talk really boils down to one thing: Bush does next-to-nothing; it's all Dick.

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Slick Billionaire to be Replaced by Fat Schmuck?

Marty Markowitz is thinking of running: "I decided to take the first step on the journey to possibly running for Mayor of New York City."

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Secret Service Nicknames

Great article here about the time honored tradition of the Secret Service ascribing those they protect and defend with nicknames. Here is the rundown.

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