GUNS! STABBINGS! EXPLOSIONS! NIC CAGE! (pt deux)

Our love of Nic Cage is historic.
Epic in scope.
Deep in depth.

We once chronicled an action movie marathon and posted the results of that day. Yet there was one stat that never sat right with us:

nic cages: 0

So tropical storms were braved.
Scores were tallied.^
And an instant-classic-remade-from-a-less-than-decade-old-Thai-classic was born.

We present to you the statistics from Bangkok Dangerous:

KILLS: 42-47*
EXPLOSIONS: 5
STABBINGS: 3
FANCY GUNPLAY: 2
DISMEMBERINGS: 2
GLASS BREAKING: 8
FAST-FORWARDS: 8
SLO-MO’S: 19
360 SHOTS: 4
NICOLAS CAGE LEERING AT MALES: 5
NICOLAS CAGE LEERING AT FEMALES: I counted up to 20 then gave up (mainly due to cage’s love interest being mute)
RIDICULOUS & INAPPROPRIATE MAKING OUT: none
INTERNATIONAL LOCALES: 4
EATING WHILE CONDUCTING “BAD MAN” BUSINESS: 4
ELEPHANTS: 3
ASSASSINATION-SUICIDES: 1
METACRITIC RATING: 19

^ notes on methodology: Kills were sharpied on my shirt while Miguel diligently moleskine'd detailed notes.
* Kill counts are discrepant as Miguel got 42 and I got 47, which included a few kills tallied during a quick flashback of previously unmentioned kills and a final mark for the deaf-Thai-pharmacist love story which killed my heart (in a good way).

Synergy!: Miguel's Tumblr and the Playlist via Alex


"Again!...Again!....Again!....Again!..... Again!.... That was your first lesson."

SIMULACRA NOW

What has happened to cinema over the last thirty years is a mystery so surreal that it can only be understood in flashes and starts. The Mad TV movie mash-ups, and later those from YouTube, have probably come the closest – like ideas that come to you in your dreams, stay on the tip of your tongue as you wake up, only to be forgotten again as you buy your next movie ticket.

Those of us who participate in “the business” in some capacity – whether as a critic, a distributor, a frequent IMDB user, or the writer/director/star of Tropic Thunder – all participate in the same echo chamber of clichéd rhetoric – Why Can’t They Make Movies Like They Did in the 30s/50s/70s?; All You Need Is A Good Story; Film Is A Visual Medium; Write What You Know; Don’t Forget The Audience. These are the prescriptions we toss around for a perceived decline in the quality of cinema, even though they often contradict one another and probably exacerbate the symptoms. No one and no film, however, has been able to fully mold these contradictory myths into one fixed, coherent expression. Until now.

The Secret of the Ooze

Lately Hollywood's been running out of ideas and has been milking old money-making franchises by "rebooting" them, updating them or changing the mood of the original (ex: Batman, Robocop, Friday the 13th, etc.)
While Hollywood has been running out of ideas, the people in charge of the advertising for these reboots haven't and have created expansive and elaborate viral campaigns that get the audience jazzed about the forthcoming movie. These campaigns can start months or even years before a movie is done. The best example of this has been The Dark Knight's viral campaign that included scavenger hunts, fake political campaigns, clues called into phones baked in cakes, and so on.

Even though I can't find any reference to it anywhere, I get the feeling that studios are trying to reboot the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise and this time the ad wizards have gone a step too far by playing god. Recently an unidentified creature washed up in the Hamptons about the same time a deformed pig was born in China. Why are these two seemingly unrelated events significant? They both bear striking similarity to TMNT II mutant mutant henchmen, Tokka and Rahzar.

I present my evidence HERE:

Grrrrrr-8 Vacation!

Last year we chronicled the group-discounted vacation of the world's 7 most powerful men and 1 sassy woman. But a few of the members last year (Putin, Blair, etc.) must not have gotten the lanyard of ever-lasting friendship and weren't invited back again this year. LOLz!
But the 8 are doing their damnedest to make this year The Best Vacation Ever and here are some clips from their photo diary to prove it:






Republicans are Maxi Pads

Or at least that seems to be the message of this new spot for Texas Republican U.S. Senator John Cornyn, whose people ripped off the "Big Brawn" SNL sketch to rebrand their party and candidate.

Supreme Court Defends This

Barack Obama Bumbaye!

in

- Where can I download this mix? (answer: HERE!)

1. Tom Waits - Army Ants [Orphans 3]
2. Silver Jews - Send In The Clouds [American Water]
3. My Morning Jacket - Smokin' From Shootin' [Evil Urges]
4. Remains - Don't Look Back [Nuggets]
5. The Flying Burrito Brothers - Dark End Of The Street [Guilded Palace of Sin]
6. Forro In The Dark - I Wish (Bundle of Contradictions) feat. David Byrne [Bonfires of Sao Joao]
7. Todd Rundgren - Just One Victory [A Wizard, A True Star]
8. T. Rex - Is it love? [T. Rex]
9. Wire - Outdoor Miner [Chairs Missing]
10. Jim O'Rourke - 94 The Long Way [Bad Timing]

Fuckin' Arrows (10June2008)

This week's toxic heat could only mean that summer's already here. Thus I present what will surely be the first of many mixes offered this summer.
BONUS! While listening consider these questions:
- Have Sigur Rós been listening to a lot of Animal Collective?
- Why did the Beach Boys drop this superior chorus?
- Is anything more pleasurable than hearing Prince sing the words "Does Not Compute"?
- Was the Tiffany version necessary after listening to the original?
- Is Ladyhawke ripping Cyndi Lauper?
- Is this Love song my favorite song of ever, at this very moment? (answer: YES.)
- Will the Hold Steady ever give their livers a rest? (answer: NO.)

- Where can I download this mix? (answer: HERE!)

1. The Hold Stead - 'Constructive Summer' [Stay Positive]
2. Sigur Rós - 'Gobbledigook' [Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust]
3. Ike & Tina Turner - '(As Long As I Can) Get You When I Want You' [Workin' Together]
4. Tommy James & the Sondells - 'I Think We're Alone Now'
5. Desmond Dekker - '0.0.7. (Shanty Town)' [The Harder They Fall Soundtrack]
6. White Williams - 'Violator' [Smoke]
7. The Beach Boys - 'Hold On to Your Ego' [Pet Sounds Bonus Tracks]
8. Lykke Li - 'I'm Good, I'm Gone (Fred Falke Remix)' [I'm Good I'm Gone]
9. Kenna - 'Freetime' [New Sacred Cow]
10. Ladyhawke - 'Back of The Van'
11. Yellow Magic Orchestra - 'Day Tripper' [Sold State Survivor]
12. Prince - 'Something In The Water (Does Not Compute)' [1999]
13. Impressions - 'They Don't Know' [This Is My Country]
14. Bo Diddley - 'Infatuation' [Where It All Began]
15. Love - 'Everybody's Gotta Live'
16. Ratatat - 'Mahalo' [Schiller 7"]

Yup.

[via AP]

Dear George Lucas,

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