Bangerz 'n Mash - March 21, 2006

Round 3 of mixes continues on with my selection of choice cuts that are so hot they cook.

1) Plantlife/Nina Sky: "Love 4 the World/Turnin' Me On" (Fabriclive 24: Diplo)
The handclap/"Hey!" background makes this song a burner to start off with. Do I love Diplo cause he's a dope selector or cause he loves Ludacris as much as I do?

2) Kaoma: "Lambada"
The Forbidden Dance. I've been promising it on my first few mixes, but never delivered. Finally makes the cut by popular demand.

Celebrity Gaydar 1.5: The White Pages

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We're equal opportunity (?) here at Cosmodrome - and since the first edition of Celebrity Gaydar featured mostly black celebrities, here's Volume 1.5:

01. Kevin Spacey
02. Hugh Jackman
03. Elijah Wood
04. Tom Cruise (shut. up.)
05. Matthew Broderick
06. Kurt Loder
07. John Norris
08. Anderson Cooper
09. Luther Vandross (you didn't think I could manage an all-white list, did you?)
10. Jodie Foster

Stay tuned for my next very difficult project of Celebrity Gaydar: The Yellow Pages.

24's Got An Axe to Grind. But What Is It?

Like George Clooney, I'm a Liberal. There, I said it! With a capital L! But I also Love the show 24, with a capital L.

How could this be? Have we entered yet another chapter in the book of the hypocrisy of me that is neverending?

You see, here's the paradox: like George Clooney I feel that blacks should not have to sit in the back of the bus. In fact, when I ride the bus, I often sit in the back myself to prevent blacks from having to sit there, just in case. And yet I also love watching Jack Bauer prove his manliness by demonstrating decisiveness in times of crisis. I am so not gay, yet it turns me on. It is the biggest adrenaline rush on television, yet it burns me up when my eyes look anywhere near the bottom right hand corner of the screen, and the little logo reminds me

"Daily Show" Democrats: Are You Ready for Your Close Up?

New York nightlife has always been popular with foreign tourists. Last week the most notable, and incongrous, foreign visitor to Manhattan clubland was Iraq War veteran and Pennsylvania Congressional candidate Patrick Murphy who brought his campaign to Happy Valley, the nightspot named for Penn State 's idyllic home. Murphy came flashing his indie cred with a lineup of comedians known for snark, including MTV's The State mastermind Michael Showalter.

The Week In: Cartography Discovery -- The Decline of Western Civilization

Trina likes to tell the story about how her family loves colonization and the omnipotence of globalization. Without the British Empire, where would the world be? My guess is a) all white folks would be Catholic after the Spanish Armada wiped out everyone back in the 16th century, especially with no Francis Drake; b) "America" would be (even more) Spanish-speaking and probably still have a thriving slave industry; c) I'd be buried underneath a giant wall somewhere, my stomach containing only tofu rather than delicious fried foods.

Hollywood Smugglers: How Did They Ever Make a Movie Of...?

Hollywood producers like money, so they court mass audiences. Mass audiences are prude and stupid, so we get shit movies. Such is life.

American film artists have responded to this situation in a number of ways, most notoriously opting out of the Hollywood system all together to produce "independent" films that address specific niche audiences. There is, however, another path: that of the "termite" artists who have worked within Hollywood to subtly subvert conventions with oppositional content and aesthetics.

This series celebrates the oppositional movies that are produced by Hollywood for mass audiences. And when they are released, we wonder... "How Did They Ever Make a Movie Of _______?"

Jennifer Aniston Can't Lose

We've all done things when we were younger that we aren't proud of. Many of us, if we had access to one of various time machines, would want to go back and beat some sense into our younger selves (of course, assuming the physics of Timecop are not in place so that contact with your old self won't end with you(s) fusing into an exploding blob). This feeling must be even more acute and painful for actors and actresses who take any and all parts early in their careers only to have those choices come back to haunt them.

Take George Clooney for example. Cat's on fire at the moment, but the television road before ER was a bit rocky. Before landing anything solid he had cameos on Golden Girls,

The Week In: Rewarding Mediocrity -- Oscar Night

For the annual spectacle that is the Oscars, two of Cosmodrome's resident film snobs/celebrity culture experts will debate the event in real-time.

Here's their prepared opening statements, and don't forget to check back post-show for the blow-by-blow account.

The Film Snob, Jeff

Every year, the Academy nominates a handful of Hollywood films – films that were distributed by subsidiary companies like Focus Features, New Line Cinema, and Warner Independent Pictures – in a race that will allow one or two lucky prestige films to join the ranks of big blockbusters in making a fuck-ton of money. For a movie-snob like myself, the reason to root for one of these films over another usually has less to do with the quality of the movies – which are mostly bad, anyway – than it does with a war of ideas in the culture. If the Oscars provide one good public service, it’s the free publicity that it gives to one or two slightly offbeat Hollywood films.

Krasdale Kolumn #2

Name: Krasdale Original Cresent: 8 Hot ‘n Fresh Dinner Rolls

Krasdale crescent rolls are packaged like a pipe bomb of pleasure. Upon opening, however, there was sadly no doughy explosion upon giddily peeling the text away from the tubing. Little things like this are noticed and usually reflect poorly on the product. Carefully the tin exterior was mined away to reveal a rich vein of pastry, which could be further unrolled and divided into 8 scalene triangles (geometry, fools!). What now? Roll them ourselves? Where do you get off, Krasdale? We don't spend our hard earned $1.99 to do all the work ourselves. Oh wait, all tubular crescent roll things have you do that. Our bad.

Celebrity Gaydar by Resident Fag Hag

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If one in twenty people is gay, and (based on my very rigorously researched generalization) gays (particularly gay men) are better, or at least think they are better, at entertainment, then, um... you know.

This will be updated soon. Parentheticals indicate most likely future life-partner. Please send your suggestions, especially for the "to be determined" true loves.

Also, this list turned out to be all black for some reason.
HERE are the white pages.

01. P. Diddy (Fonsworth Bentley, the dandy umbrella opener)
02. Will Smith (DJ Jazzy Jeff!) & Jada Pinkett-Smith (TBD)
03. Oprah. Oh yeah, and Stedman, too.
04. Whoever that poof who married Star Jones is.
05. Pretty much any man married to a plus-sized female celeb or much-taller-than-him female celeb.
06. Jay-Z (Memphis Bleek)
07. Missy Elliott (Her dream was Aaliyah, of course, which explains why she missed and continues to miss her so much, but possibilities include Tweet and Eva from Top Model)
08. Timbaland (Magoo)
09. Queen Latifah (SO GAY! PLEASE COME OUT!)
10. Kanye West (Himself. Hey! Sucking your own dick is a serious relationship!)

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